YOUR BODY, YOUR TIME
Let’s get one thing straight: The decision about your first time is not a group project. It isn't a race or a requirement to enter into adulthood. Even though everything, from commercials to movies to games, seems to make sex a huge goalpost for people, you can always decide that the time is not right for you.
Being ready is not a feeling, but a decision you make at the right time for you. Think about it: from being a child and thinking "girls have cooties!" or "Eww boys!" or "I am never getting married!!!" to "Sex", there isn't an on/off switch, but a range that varies from people to people. It starts with wanting to hold hands, or following them at lunch, and ends with a consentual, loving sexual relationship.
If you have to talk yourself into something, or if you're doing it just to "get it over with," you aren't ready. If you can't talk to your partner about STIs, testing, safe sex or birth control, you aren't ready. If neither of you wants to go through the process of preventing pregnancy, but also don't want to raise a baby, you for sure aren't ready. If either of you have to get drunk or high to do it, you aren't ready (and that is actually SEXUAL ASSAULT!)
Consent isn't just about not saying "stop." It’s about Explicit Consent. It means both people are aware of what is going to happen and are happy to be there. If you’re feeling pressured, or like you owe someone something because they bought you a bubble tea, that’s not consent. Also, you have the right to change your mind at any second, even if things have already started. And you can consent to one intimate thing, but say no to another.
Being able to stand up for yourself and say NO is a massive sign of maturity. It shows you have a Prefrontal Cortex that is actually in charge of your life. It means you value your own comfort over someone else's expectations.
Anyone worth your time will respect that "no" without making you feel guilty. If they don't, that’s a giant red flag that they aren't someone you should be close with anyway.
Remember that your brain and body are undergoing a massive construction project right now. If you'd rather spend your Friday night gaming, hanging at Westminster Pier Park, or just sleeping, do that. Your sexuality is yours to explore on your timeline, not TikTok’s. Your body is yours; you decide who gets a VIP pass and when. Until then, saying NO is a perfectly valid choice.
Being ready is not a feeling, but a decision you make at the right time for you. Think about it: from being a child and thinking "girls have cooties!" or "Eww boys!" or "I am never getting married!!!" to "Sex", there isn't an on/off switch, but a range that varies from people to people. It starts with wanting to hold hands, or following them at lunch, and ends with a consentual, loving sexual relationship.
If you have to talk yourself into something, or if you're doing it just to "get it over with," you aren't ready. If you can't talk to your partner about STIs, testing, safe sex or birth control, you aren't ready. If neither of you wants to go through the process of preventing pregnancy, but also don't want to raise a baby, you for sure aren't ready. If either of you have to get drunk or high to do it, you aren't ready (and that is actually SEXUAL ASSAULT!)
Consent isn't just about not saying "stop." It’s about Explicit Consent. It means both people are aware of what is going to happen and are happy to be there. If you’re feeling pressured, or like you owe someone something because they bought you a bubble tea, that’s not consent. Also, you have the right to change your mind at any second, even if things have already started. And you can consent to one intimate thing, but say no to another.
Being able to stand up for yourself and say NO is a massive sign of maturity. It shows you have a Prefrontal Cortex that is actually in charge of your life. It means you value your own comfort over someone else's expectations.
Anyone worth your time will respect that "no" without making you feel guilty. If they don't, that’s a giant red flag that they aren't someone you should be close with anyway.
Remember that your brain and body are undergoing a massive construction project right now. If you'd rather spend your Friday night gaming, hanging at Westminster Pier Park, or just sleeping, do that. Your sexuality is yours to explore on your timeline, not TikTok’s. Your body is yours; you decide who gets a VIP pass and when. Until then, saying NO is a perfectly valid choice.
